Tinder-izing the Meat

Oh Tinder…

So you can tenderize meat a couple of different ways.  The two that I know of are using this special powder stuff that you can buy in the spice aisle at the grocery store.  The other method is beating the cut of meat with a special two-sided hammer.

Dating in The Junkyard has been akin to the latter tenderizing method.  Tinder is exceptionally difficult.  Flocks of allegedly eligible young men pass through every weekend.  It is The Grand Junction between Denver and Salt Lake City.  It is en route to many a playground, including Zion, Moab, Bryce, Rocky Mountains, I-70 corridor, Durango…etc.

I can always tell if someone is from out of town because I’m attracted to them.

So back to the tenderizing analogy.  Every weekend I am being hit repeatedly with a hammer of guys that are unattainable…because, let’s face it, long distance relationships are painful and have such a low probability of success.

The thought of telling my potential children that I met their father on Tinder also bothers me.  I will take responsibility for the fact that I am not putting much effort into meeting people…well, guys. And I do have an interesting dilemma.  So there are a couple guys:

Guy 1: I met him when I was super drunk on my birthday.  My sister randomly hollered at these guys passing by my backyard and invited them over.  Found out one of them was my neighbor and Guy 1 lived fairly close.  Months later I made a pretty aggressive move (maybe I’ll go into more detail in a later post) after drinking quite a bit of sake.  I did not get what drunk me wanted.  Anyhow, we remained friends.  Sometimes he just drops by on the weekend.  He gave me his couch and some other furniture.  #IDKmyBFFJill…  Last time he was here he said some cryptic things along the lines of “I don’t know if you’re worth it.”  And I’m like “Worth what?”…but I didn’t say that.

Guy 2:  I met Guy 2 while out on the town and checking his friend out (who turned out to not be single). Apparently I showed some people how to upside down wall twerk.  Somehow he found me on Facebook.  We both work in mental health, so we share a common language which is nice because I miss that from grad school.  But… and it is a big butt, I’m not even a little bit attracted to him.  I don’t think I will ever be.  He is kind, he likes hanging out with me, and he, so far, has been very respectful of my personal space.  We have some common ground.  However, he is not very outdoorsy/athletic.  He also has swollen gums which signals a lack of care for self.  That concerns me despite my own tendencies towards self-neglect.  Also, many of his friends are pretty heavy into the downtown drug and music scene… and that is not me.

Looking at this now, I kind of see that potentially what I am doing to Guy 2 is what Guy 1 is doing to me.  Hanging out when it is convenient, genuinely enjoying the person, but not wanting to be intimately attached to the person.

Damn.  Thoughts?


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