I have felt a major decline in my energy. I want my energy back, so I’ve decided to start/restart a few things that used to energize me. But I need help.
I’ve written in my journal multiple times about dedication, and what being dedicated to something, anything, would look like for me. I got it wrong though. I thought I could just decide to be dedicated, and that would be that. I am slowly coming to the realization that dedication is a daily…hourly…moment-by-moment choice.
I am concerned that dedication will never get easier. Is it something where if I follow through on “being dedicated” enough it will be like a habit? Can dedication become a habit? I guess I need to review what it is that I want to be dedicated to:
- My mental/physical/emotional well-being… but this is a broad and tangles topic. The amount of time it would take to untangle is prohibitive and overwhelming…which is why I turn to Netflix, Amazon Prime, and HBO GO to shut down my brain.
- My job… I do a lot with suicide prevention and awareness.
One of the major barriers to my desire to be successfully dedicated is my unequaled ability to self-sabotage. I read an article that a student referred to regarding self-sabotage. One of the items that rang true for me was the act of “tomorrow-ing”. For example, I am plowing my way through a pan of brownies knowing that it is a) not good for me, b) I’ll feel sick, and c) I’ll feel guilty. So I say to myself, “Tomorrow…tomorrow I will start eating healthier and working out…” And I have done that for the last 2-3 years.
I could tomorrow myself for a decade. I need to “today it”. Today, I will eat better, today I will go for a run, today I will not watch Dexter on Netflix, and today I will vacuum the carpets. I did that yesterday…it felt good. Do I still want a brownie? Yes. I felt knowing that I could, but that was only one day… I need to string together many days. So many days. A lot of days.
So today, I tomorrowed some tasks at work, but today I am going to read when I get home. Today I am going to clean up the kitchen. Today is another day that I can succeed in my constant battle with realizing a healthy self.
Here’s to today.